Ha!
You only got rid of me for one day! I'm sure you've been waiting with bated breath to see what I'll say next!lol!
My psychologist was trying to figure out why I'm in such a funk this week and one of her theories is that the Teenager is on Fall break this week, but I'm not seeing him much as he's off with his friends. While I don't know if this is why I'm feeling down, I do know that mothering is so hard for me. I've talked before about how intense The Princess is, well, she gets that from somewhere...I have a very hard time letting go. I hate it when the kids are at school, I hate it when they are gone from me. I really don't like so much to be away from them. When I see my kids waiting for me in the pick-up line at school, my heart beats faster. When I see the teenager walking to the car from his school I get tears in my eyes in a "Thank God he's okay, I'm so glad to see him" way. I always feel like nothing can happen to them if they are with me. I don't want them anywhere else. So, to get back on point, the growing up thing is incredibly hard. I miss my boy so much. And, after a pretty painful year or so, he's actually so much fun to be around again and I just want things to stay as they are. I don't want the kids to get older or bigger. I want my life to stay the same as it is RIGHT NOW. I mean, I'm sobbing as I write this just thinking about the kids getting older... I think I need professional help.
posted by Marlene at 12:34 PM
2 Comments:
If you do then I do too. Cuz I worry so much. Every time I hear about West Nile Virus or the Avian Flu or some child having a tumor or anything like that...every time I get in the car with her to go run errands or go anywhere...I just have this overwhelming fear that something will happen to her. I'm not afraid for me so much although I don't want anything to happen to her mama and daddy either. She needs us. But, I'm just so terrified of losing her. And she's growing so fast. It's hard letting go. But you WILL get through. And then you'll have grandkids to worry about! ;)
What you're saying makes sense. I realized not long ago that I'll never have a truly peaceful night's sleep again now that I've had a baby. I worry about her a little every night- Is she warm enough? What if she gets sick? And I'm sure as the years go by, the worries will change, but they will never go away.
You're doing a great job and writing about it helps, I'm sure.
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