My Boy

My eldest son and I are very much alike. Often too much so. We haven't had an easy relationship since he was about 12. We have honeymoon periods and periods of normalcy,which are becoming longer and longer as he gets older, but really, we are both temperamental and quick to anger, particularly with one another. He's told me he hates me, and trust me when I say there have been times when I haven't liked him very much either.



My child is a teenager. Growing up in a world that is vastly different than the one I grew up in. I wouldn't want to be a teenager right now, for sure. He's made some choices that I wish he hadn't He's done some things I wish he hadn't. I've spent sleepless nights. I've prayed my days away. I've beaten myself up for parenting decisions. I've wondered where we went wrong.



And there are times I look at him and my heart swells with pride. And times when his kindness and consideration bring me to my knees. I never have to worry or be ashamed of his behavior regarding his elders. He is respectful and kind to his grandparents and teachers and coaches. He may roll his eyes at me, but never to them.



The choices that he has made about some things are not choices I would have made for him, but I KNOW about all the choices. Because he talks to me. About everything. As turbulent as our relationship might be at times, he always talks to me. Maybe not until after the fact, but I daresay there are many parents who will never know some of the choices their teens made, or may not hear of them until adulthood. But my son knows he can talk to me about anything. And I think that speaks volumes about where our relationship will end up.



This weekend was a rough one for my boy. He had his heart broken, not for the first time. (How evil teenaged girls can be is a whole 'nother post). After Prom he had gone to an all night party at the lake. He and I texted back and forth for a while that night, about making good choices and being trustworthy. And he kept all the promises he made me. And on Sunday morning, while everyone else was asleep, he called me. And we talked. About his broken heart. About the tree he's wrestled with the night before to get some of his emotions out. About how he was feeling about making positive choices the night before. About everything. We talked for over 2 hours when his friends started waking up and were ready to drive home. And he came home. And we went to take his tux back. And we drove for an hour and talked some more. About nothing. Because he wanted to talk to me. Just me. There was nothing earth shattering in the conversation, but he just wanted me. And last night on my way home from church. he called me and asked me if I would go to a movie with him. And of course I said yes. Even though it was going to be a very late night for me. Even though I had a million things I needed to do. Even though I had no desire to see the movie he wanted me to see. Because when your 17 year old asks you to spend time with them, you MUST. And you must connect on their level. And do what is important to them. With teenagers it's all about being ready when they are. If you put them off until you have time or are ready to talk, they'll have moved on. They are the people you must meet where they are.

During one of our myriad hours of conversation over the weekend, he said something that touched me to my very core. There was something he didn't want to do because he has a hard time with one of the people involved. I asked him why he had such a problem and he indicated it was because this person often gives me a lot of heartache and grief. And he said to me "I know that in the past I've said I hated you. Like when I'm mad and you won't let me do something. But Mom, I love you so much. And anyone who hurts you, I just want to hurt them. I would kill someone for you Mom". Now, I don't want my kid killing someone, obviously, but the fact that my 17 year old boy can say that to me makes my heart soar.



Parenting this boy has not been easy. It's often a tiring and thankless job. There's been a lot of joy, but our fair share of heartache. And hearing stories of people who sail through the teenage years with no problems from their kids is painful. But I get these glimpses of a bright future with a young man who has fought a hard battle to be who he is. And I know I wouldn't trade who he is for an easier kid because then he wouldn't be the boy I love so much. And maybe, just maybe, struggling with or for your kids makes you appreciate the times that are wonderful just a bit more.